Tuesday, May 8 - Massachusetts

Solitude is extremely under-rated. I have an excellent grasp on this. A bit of insight tonight (whether you want it or not!).

I have spent many years sharing my time and space with others. Many years not. Those in between years, I was comfortable and confident in my own skin. Not everyone is comfortable being alone. I always have been.

I have slain all my dragons. And thus I treasure my solitude.

As awesome as my brother is, he does not really understand my deep need for it. My sister gets it, on a different level, but I am not sure she truly understands the total peace I get from alone. (I see you shaking your head, Sis!)

Hard to describe, but I shall try as it is a big part of who I am. My inner core. It is a deep need inside for quiet, peace, and introspection. I have been this way since I was a child. Activities were horseback riding, skiing, painting, writing, hiking, archery. Sense a theme? Team sports not so much.

I loved all of it, and would not have missed a minute it for the world. Day hikes for hours through the rocky hills and cool green forests of New England. Gallops and jumps across meadows, hearing only Goldie's hoofbeats underneath. Schuss so fast and furiously down mountains where all I saw and felt were waves of snow. For years. Many years.

Now? I know if I was able to do even half what I used to - I would do so without compunction or fear.

I had no fear with skis strapped to my feet or my beloved Palomino thundering across the fields or precisely performing jumps.

Alone conquering the mountain's snows. Alone trekking through the forest. Alone - flying! - with Goldie.

I am no longer physically able to do these things. I do, however, have the memories (and pictures).

And I have retained my precious solitude :)

I believe solitude is an inbred need. Thinking; downtime. Teachers today actually have classes for kids for this. They call it "mindfullness". There is yoga and all sorts of activities geared towards adults to get one to loosen up and open one's mind to be calm.

And I guess... whatever gets one to stop and think. Otherwise I think one's thoughts will get tangled and become too restles and fraught.

After all is said and done... if you cannot be comfortable and content with yourself, alone, how can you possibly be at ease with the rest of the world?